What does your 10-year Memoir look like? 你的十年回顧會寫什麼呢?

(附中文) Imagine that after 10 years, how will you describe your life in the 10 years? In the leadership class, we read the 10-year and 20-year memoirs from alumni, and most of them have some dissatisfaction, regret and frustration to a certain level. When writing my memoir, I felt quite shocked that how little I paid attention to the most important question in my life: “what kind of life do I want?” Here share my thoughts on how to think about this question.

【Define Success】Before evaluating the success of our lives, we need to define the success of lives. The most important thing is to separate “controllable” and “uncontrollable”, and avoid to put the uncontrollable into our definitions. For example, we cannot control if we get specific positions, but we can control the efforts we put in; we cannot control if our significant others will die early, but we can control how we appreciate the marriage. In general, the process is controllable, and the result is uncontrollable. Hence, with the right attitude, we won’t feel that our lives fail when the unexpected happen; instead, we will focus on how to live a good life after accidents and evaluate our success based on that.

【Set Criteria】The world often forces us to accept its value system, but actually we might value other things. This conflict leads to our dissatisfaction and confusion. However, if we only have one life and need to take full responsibility of it, then why not be honest to ourselves? For example, people tell us that at work, what you do is more important than the brand name, but actually the prestige of companies is an important source of sense of security for me. Then I would say: just do it! We might feel hurt or confused along the way, but we can always change our criteria as needed. Only if we experience the process of try, frustration and adjustment, we can find the best set of criteria to evaluate our lives.

【Make Decision】After defining the success of lives and setting criteria, we can make decisions based on it. There are lots of good opportunities to make us confused, and lots of outstanding peers to make us stressed. However, usually when we review our definitions and criteria, we will find out that most of them are irrelevant to us. Always remember that you are the superstar on the unique journey. Do whatever you want and enjoy your meaningful life!

So now, how will you write your 10-year memoir?

想像十年後,當你必須描述這十年的經歷時,你會說些什麼呢?在領導課上,我們讀了校友的十年、二十年回顧,才發現多數人都有一定程度的不滿、後悔與困頓。當我動筆寫自己的十年回顧時,才驚覺原來我幾乎從沒認真思考過「我想過什麼樣的人生」這麼重要的問題!以下分享我認為思考這個問題的一些想法:

【定義成功】在評估自己的人生是否成功之前,必須先定義成功為何。在定義的過程中,最重要的是區分「可控」與「不可控」,並且避免將不可控因素放入成功的定義。例:我們不能控制別人是否會給我們特定職位,但可以控制自己是否努力打拼過;不能控制伴侶是否會提早離世,但可以控制自己是否珍惜婚姻。通常可控的是過程、不可控的是結果。抱持這樣的態度,假設不如意的事情發生時,我們才不會認為自己的人生失敗了,反而是思考如何把意外後的人生過好。

【設定標準】世界強迫我們接受一套價值體系,但內心裡我們仍然重視其他事情,這樣的衝突造成對生活的不滿意和困惑。其實,如果人生只有一次且自己承擔後果,那何不對自己誠實?例:大家告訴我們應該重視工作性質而非公司名氣,但對我而言公司名氣是很重要的安全感來源,那就不要否認這樣的需求、勇敢追尋!過程中可能會覺得受傷、恍然大悟公司名氣確實不是好的條件,我們再調整條件就好。唯有持續這樣嘗試、挫敗、調整,才能最終找出適合自己的一套衡量標準。

【做決策】在了解自己對成功的定義後,我們根據先前定義的一套標準進行決策。誘人的選擇讓人覺得煩惱、厲害的同儕讓人覺得壓力大,但往往當我們審視成功定義和篩選標準後,就會發現這些都與我們無關。永遠記得:只有自己是這條獨一無二路上的超級巨星!隨心所欲、無入而不自得。

如果是你,你會怎麼寫自己的十年回顧呢?:)

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