Reflection on 2017 / 回顧2017年

(English translation at the end of each Chinese paragraph)

第11年寫年度回顧!2016年的回顧主題是:「發掘不同面向的自己,並重新愛上自己」,而2017年的主題應該是:「在探索光明與黑暗後,更珍惜一路上的美好」。

This is my 11th year writing the annual reflection. The theme for 2016 was “exploring different aspects of myself and falling in love with myself again,” and the theme for 2017 should be “after exploring the brightness and darkness, I appreciate all the beautiful things along the way more.”

 

【年度亮點:祕魯財政部實習】

二月時,收到一封關於祕魯財政部實習的信件;五月時,我已降落利馬,開始人生中最瘋狂的旅程。在工作、生活和旅行中,身為一個陌生人、外國人、或說入侵者,感到挫折或孤單是必然的;然而,祕魯人的溫柔總提醒著我,自己如此幸運能夠再次感受生命的脈搏。第一次踏上南美洲、第一次在政府工作、第一次探索另一面的自己,就這麼用盡全力愛著秘魯、愛著利馬、愛著在沿途遇見的每個人。不知道還能不能再有一次這樣全心全意去感受的機會,但希望能帶著這份溫暖與勇氣,珍惜擁有的、愛上即將發生的。謝謝親愛的朋友們!(參考網誌:祕魯實習心得祕魯旅行總覽

[Annual Highlight: Internship at MEF in Peru]

In February, I received an email about an internship opportunity in the Ministry of Economy and Finance in Peru. In May, I already landed in Lima and embarked the craziest journey in my life. I was a stranger, a foreigner or an intruder. I felt frustrated and lonely sometimes, but Peruvians’ gentleness kept reminding me that how lucky I was to feel my life again. The first time in South America, the first time working in government and the first time exploring the other side of myself – I enjoyed my life to the fullest and put all my heart in loving Peru, loving Lima and loving all of you. Not sure if I could have another chance to put all efforts to love and to experience, but I’ll bring the warmness and braveness to cherish what I have and love what will happen. Thank you, my dear friends! (Reference blogs: Internship at MEF; Travel Tips in Peru)

 

【在哈佛的生活】

最感謝哈佛商學院的地方,在於學校提供我一組透鏡來看世界:歷史、政治、經濟、道德、管理等。我發現自己分析問題、生活乃至於旅行的方式都不同了。此外,在商學院繁重的課業之外,我也在法學院旁聽、在政府學院參加讀書會、參加哈佛體系的活動,嘗試跳脫「永續型平庸」的陷阱。雖然回顧問業後不一定會有更好的工作表現,但我知道自己將會有個更有趣的人生。總體來說,這是收穫許多的一年。很難說每個時刻都很愉快,但我享受這個過程。喜愛啟發我的人、原諒傷害我的人、記得給我溫暖的人、向被我傷害的人道歉。謝謝哈佛和你們!(參考網誌:政府學院以色列參訪團政府學院印度參訪團商學院紐約藝術參訪團商學院墨西哥顧問專案

[Life at Harvard]

What I appreciate HBS the most is that it gives me a set of lenses to look at various aspects of the world – history, politics, economics, morality, management, etc. I find myself analyzing problems, interacting with others, living life and even traveling in a different way now. In addition, I audited in Law School, joined study groups in Government School and participated in activities in the Harvard system, trying to escape the trap of sustainable mediocrity. I might not perform better back to consulting, but I know I’ll have a more interesting life. In general, it’s been a fruitful year. I wouldn’t say every moment was enjoyable, but I enjoyed the whole experiences a lot. Love people inspiring me, forgive people hurting me, remember people giving me warmth, and apologize to people I might hurt. Thank you, Harvard and all of you! (Reference blogs: HKS Israel Trek; HKS India Trek; HBS New York Art Trek; HBS Mexico Field Project)

 

【我親愛的家人】

這些年,如果沒有家人的支持和體諒,我是不可能自己這樣自由自在地四處闖蕩。然而,兩邊年長的阿公阿嬤、家庭成員的健康與財務問題、阿嬤的雜貨店迫遷事件、兩個小孩都出國念書等,都讓爸媽的負擔增加許多。有時候覺得,在自己追求成為世界公民的同時,或許並沒有負擔起足夠的家庭責任。此外,隨著自己在美國的時間越來越長,家裡長輩對於分離的焦慮和我心裡的不安定感也越來越強烈,未來我們都必須學習如何處理這樣的情緒吧。事情一定會越來越不容易,但謝謝你們,無論如何總是在我左右。我真的很幸運有你們當我的家人!

[My Beloved Family]

Without my family’s support and understanding, I couldn’t be able to explore the world freely these years. However, 85+ years old grandparents, family members’ health and financial issues, the dispute of land justice of grandma’s grocery store and supporting me and my brother to study abroad all make my parents stressed and exhausted. Sometimes, I felt that I didn’t take enough responsibilities of the family while I was pursuing to be a global citizen. In addition, as I stay in the U.S. longer, the anxiety of separation from my grandparents and parents and my own feeling of instability keep growing strongly. In the future, we all need to learn to deal with our emotions. Life will definitely get more and more difficult. Thank you for always being here with me, no matter what. I’m very blessed to have you as my families!

 

 【互相支持與尊敬的朋友】

長大後不再追求頻繁互動的友誼,反而嚮往互相支持與尊敬的君子之交──在每次的互動裡,專門為彼此保留時間與空間、啟發彼此以探索更大的世界。雖然每年互動的次數不一定很多,卻能夠讓人覺得是份深刻而長久的情誼。有多少人,還見不到幾次面就又各奔前程?但我總想,多麼幸福曾有過那麼一次,吃你煮的菜、聽你談夢想、陪你講心事、交換這些日子裡的學習。然而,有一天當我發現自己對於好朋友面對的困難一無所知時,才意識到自己有時太專注在自己的生活,而沒有對朋友付出足夠的關心與支持。再給自己一次機會,我會做得更好!

[Friends that Support and Respect Each Other]

After growing up, I prefer friendship with mutual respect and support more than friendship with frequent interaction. In every interaction, we save time and space just for each other, and we inspire each other to explore a bigger world. Though we might not have frequent interaction, we all believe in the deep and long friendship. There are many people that we don’t have a chance to fully understand, but I always think that how lucky I am to have memories with you about eating the dinner you cooked for me, listening to your dreams, chatting with you and exchanging learning in these days. However, one day, when I found that I knew nothing about how my friend suffered, I realized that sometimes I had focused on my life too much and didn’t provide enough care and support to my friends. Give myself one more chance, and I’ll do better!

 

【確定畢業後的工作】

九月時,確定在畢業後加入 BCG 芝加哥辦公室。選擇留在美國工作有幾個原因:挑戰在國外工作的感覺,更加了解美國和希望能找到安定下來的機會。開心之餘,心裡還是相當緊張,不知道在大中華區的工作經驗是否也適用於美國、不知道是否能夠克服語言和文化的障礙。還記得光看到可能的專案清單就覺得好興奮的那種心情。記得做出有意義貢獻的那種快樂。希望未來我能記得這份對於顧問業的熱忱,而不是用薪水、升遷與福利來衡量自己的事業。謝謝一路上幫助我的人!

[Confirmed Post-MBA Career]
 
In September, I confirmed to join BCG Chicago office after graduation. Several reasons make me want to stay in the U.S. – (1) challenge myself to work overseas, (2) understand the U.S. more and (3) seek for an opportunity to settle down. Though I’m happy for the new opportunities, I feel a bit nervous. Are my experiences in Greater China transferable to the U.S.? Can I overcome the barriers of language and culture difference? I still remember the excitement of seeing the list of potential projects. I love the happiness of making meaningful contribution. Hope I can remember my passion at consulting and don’t use compensation, promotion and benefits to evaluate my career in the future. Thank you all for your great support along the way!

 

【健康生活】

因為從以色列回來的時差,我開始每天早上上班、上課前去運動,就連旅行到墨西哥和秘魯時也一樣。為了早起,我減少深夜活動並養成早睡的習慣。此外,我也盡量為自己準備餐點、選擇營養的食物。雖然最後一季的繁忙工作、電話時間與瘋狂行程有點摧毀健康生活計劃,我某種程度上已經養成習慣、能夠持續往前。總體而言,我變得比較有自信、專注與快樂。為自己的成果感到開心!

[New Life Style]

Due to the jet lag from the trip to Israel, I started to work out every day in the morning before classes/work, even when traveling to Mexico and Peru. To get up early, I went to bed early and cut down late-night activities. In addition, I prepared most meals for myself and chose healthier food. Although the heavy work, phone time and crazy travel in Q4 destroyed the new life style a bit, I kind of already have the habit to keep it rolling. In general, I’m more confident, more focused and happier. Happy for the achievement!

 

【每天的專案】

我每天都拍一張照片,至今已經四個月。以每張照片一秒鐘的形式,組成我的實驗性作品:「每天的專案」。最初,我不確定哪些照片比較能代表我的人生,應該被選入影片。然而,後來我發現照片的選擇不是最重要的事。在這個年度專案裡,生命的一致性與連續性比生命本身重要-因為生命只存在於發生的當下,無論如何都不可能再複製重現。記憶是離散的,而情感是連續的。

[Daily Project]

I have taken a picture per day for four months and composed my experimental work: “The Daily Project” with each picture appearing for one second in the video. Initially, I wasn’t sure which pictures were more representative of my life than others and should be selected into the video. In the end, I realize that it doesn’t matter. What’s more important in this project is the consistency and continuity of life, not the life itself, because life only exists when it happens and is impossible to be represented. Memories are discrete, but emotion is continuous.

 

【脆弱但不是易碎的】

當你真心愛著一個人時,你是不希望他改變的。當他必需為你而改變時,你只會覺得自己很糟、應該道歉,縱使你也不清楚該向誰道歉或該為什麼道歉。而改變自己也是同樣的痛苦與困難,往往你也不知道該如何改變以達成雙方的期望。或許解決的辦法就是相信我們都是脆弱但不是易碎的,在一些調整後,我們都將平靜安詳地達到新的動態平衡。

[Vulnerable but Not Fragile]

When you really love someone, you don’t want them to change. When they need to change because of you, you simply feel so bad about yourself and want to apologize although you don’t know what you should apologize for or who you should apologize to. On the other hand, changing yourself is also very painful and stressful, and sometimes you just don’t know how you could change to meet both your and their expectations. Maybe the only way to deal with that is to believe we are vulnerable but not fragile, so after some adjustment, we will settle down in another dynamic equilibrium, safe and sound.

 

【分享的渴望】

假設有兩種典型情況:(1) 不需要分享,無欲則剛;(2) 渴望分享,較為脆弱。一般而言,我們認為 (1) 是我們該追尋的完整人生、(2) 是我們該避免的路線。然而,這個想法的前提是「一個完整的人生,代表本質上我們不需要他人,就算有時候其他生命會讓我們擁有更好的人生」,但我更偏好重新定義完整的人生為「一個整合自我與總體環境、並能夠打通所有聯繫以溝通無礙的人生」,那麼 (2) 裡對分享的渴望與能力才是使我們人生完整的關鍵,而不是該移除的缺點。

[Desire to Share]

Assume two typical patterns: (1) no need to share and be strong and (2) want to share and be vulnerable. Usually, we perceive (1) as the complete lives we should pursue and position (2) as the less preferable lives we should avoid. The premise of this statement is that we define a complete life as “a life that fundamentally we don’t need others although lives can be better when others join.” However, I prefer the definition of “a life that unite itself with the ecosystem and open up all channels to freely transmit any message without difficulties.” In this case, the desire to share in (2) is what makes us complete rather than the weakness we should get rid of. 

 

【短暫的對愛恐懼】

我在一 個充滿愛的環境長大,從來都不怕給予愛和被愛。然而,就像待在黑暗中太久的人會畏光一樣,生活中缺愛太久的人也會短暫地畏愛。在四處奔波幾年後,有時候覺得自己像個太空人漂浮於外太空中,與真實生活脫節。在獨自生活一段時間後回到熟悉的家人和朋友圈,這些隨著愛而來的責任和情緒,有時會突然讓我覺得不穩定與恐慌。我不知道自己能夠給予什麼。我以為自己已經變成更好的人,不要求太多、有獨立的生活,但其實對我深愛的人們而言,我只是變成不易接近的人。希望我能記得並保有愛與被愛的能力。

[Temporary Fear of Love]

I grew up in an environment full of love and was not afraid to love and be loved. However, just like people staying in the dark for too long will be photophobic for a while, people living without love for too long will be uncomfortable to be loved for a while. After moving around for several years, sometimes I feel like an astronaut floating around the space and disconnected to the real life with silent solitude. It’s often that when I live independently for a while and then move back to the familiar environment with families and friends, I felt shaky and anxious when facing the responsibilities and emotions coming with love. I do not know what I can give them. I thought I had become a better person with minimum demands and independent life, but I just become inaccessible for others. Hope I can keep the abilities to love and be loved.

 

【喜歡這個人,而不是他所代表的概念】

怎麼分辨「喜歡這事物」或「喜歡這事物所呈現的概念」?我們時常被標籤迷惑、幻想綺麗的畫面,卻忘了仔細檢視。到頭來,才發現事實完全不是這麼一回事。受標籤吸引是可以理解的,但我們有付出足夠的努力去真的了解我們究竟在尋找什麼?如果我們只喜歡這事物所呈現的概念(排名高的學校、有名望的工作、異國戀情),很容易就忽略他的缺點或甚至他的真實優點的真實價值。然而,如果我們真心喜歡這事物本身,則代表我們同時了解並接受了他的好與壞,無條件欣賞他的存在。

[Like It, Not the Concept of It]

How to distinguish “like it” from “like the concept of it”? We are often fooled by all labels and fantasize rosy pictures without digging into the truth. One day we might end up realizing that the reality is a totally different story. It’s understandable to get attracted by labels, but do we put enough efforts to understand what we are looking for? If we just like the concept of it (e.g. highly ranked schools, prestigious jobs, exotic relationship), it’s easy that we overlook the downsides and maybe also the true upsides. However, if we like itself, then that means we understand and accept all the good and bad and appreciate the existence of it without conditions.  

 

【非誠無擾】

把時間浪費在美好事物上是最奢侈的享受。在工作、友誼、愛情等方面,如果各方不是全心投入,不可能成為最美好的事物。人們說「不試試怎麼知道?」或許在高速轉動的時代裡,這樣的輕浮躁動才能彰顯冒險獨立的精神吧!但多麼希望,至少在當下,我們都曾如此誠心誠意地、慎重地放慢腳步,表達與了解。另一方面,身為風險趨避的顧問,以前我總是先把策略都規劃好、確定可行,才願意做承諾。然而,最近我有些改變想法:有時候我們真的必須先有承諾,則那份執著會讓策略中的選項增加,也會驅使人們付出更多去實踐策略、築夢踏實。

[Don’t Bother if You Don’t Care]

Spending time on great things is the most enjoyable luxury. In work, friendship and relationship, it’s impossible to have great results without full engagement from each party. People say: “How do you know if you don’t try?” Maybe being impatient and impetuous means adventurous nowadays; however, I really hope that at least we can slow down and take time to express ourselves and understand each other with our hearts. On the other hand, as a risk-adverse consultant, I usually planned strategies and confirmed feasibility before making commitment. Recently, I kind of change my thoughts. In fact, sometimes we really need to make commitment first, so the persistence will increase possible options and drive people to put more efforts to make it happen.   

 

【明知不可而為之的優雅與堅定】

這一年,在不同文化、不同語言的地方,持續練習厚著臉皮裝堅定,被打擊了還要說服自己不放棄,其實也不過求個無愧於心。過程中常常覺得為什麼要這麼辛苦證明自己,但轉念一想,如果不這樣突破困難,以後都會因為害怕與缺乏成功經驗,而不敢做更好的選擇。假設他人最好的善意、分割他人與自己的問題、並優雅地處理自己的問題,是我對一個更成熟自己的期許。

[The Elegance and Persistence in Doing the Impossible]

Why do I continue practicing to be persistence and persuading myself not to give up when facing difficulties? Because I don’t want to feel guilty that I contribute too less and take no responsibilities. Sometimes, I wonder the meaning of putting efforts to prove myself when it doesn’t matter. However, I know if I don’t accept and overcome the challenges, I won’t be able to choose what I want freely in the future due to deep fear and the lack of successful experiences. Assuming the best intention, separating others’ issues from mine and dealing with mine elegantly is my expectation for a more mature self. 

 

【一步一腳印】

「自動化和線上系統只會加速生產錯誤率,沒辦法解決任何生產流程設計的問題。你必須花時間最佳化流程、移除錯誤,最後才使用自動化或線上系統來幫你。」這不是和很多事情很像嗎?獨立沒辦法解決所有問題,想要有好的經濟,還是必須要努力改善政策品質。結婚沒辦法解決所有問題,想要有快樂人生,還是必須努力找到快樂方程式。我們太常把所有希望放在一個簡單的概念上,以為他能解決所有問題。實際上,這些議題都需要我們彎腰低頭、仔細檢視所有假設、分析執行成效,才可能達成。以務實的態度、不迷信特效藥。一步一腳印,自然就會走到遠方。

[One Step at a Time]

“Automation/ERP cannot solve any problem of your processes; it can only speed up your defect rate. You should spend time to optimize processes and remove defects, and then you are eligible to introduce automation/ERP.” Isn’t it similar to many things? Independence cannot solve your problems; to have a better economy, you need to improve overall policies. Marriage cannot solve your problems; to have a happy life, you need to figure out the formula of a happy life. We too often put all the hope on a simple concept and expect that it can help us solve all problems. Actually, these issues all depend on important ground work – scrutinize all assumptions, evaluate effectiveness of implementation, etc. Be realistic and don’t believe any super remedy – it’ll just speed up the path to failure. One step at a time. We will be there.

 

【剛剛好就夠了】

有時候我想,到底我們該如何成熟地喜歡一個人?不能太快投入過多的感情,但也不能過度保護自己而失去了真誠相愛的能力。不能太過誇飾心裡的情緒,但也不能因為缺乏溝通而失去瞭解彼此的機會。必須像詩人般盡情感受與用心擁抱,但又必須像顧問般保持理性。最後,我才了解,當我們遇見對的人時,那樣安心的感覺會讓我們不再過度憂慮。「不需要更好,剛剛好就夠了。」謝謝一路上有你陪著我一起走、分享快樂。

[Just Good Enough]

Sometimes, I wondered that how we should love others in a mature way. We couldn’t put too much emotion in too short time, but we also couldn’t protect ourselves too much and lose the ability to be authentic. We couldn’t exaggerate feelings, but we also couldn’t communicate too less and lose the opportunity to understand each other. We should embrace it with our hearts like poets, but we should also keep the rationality like consultants. In the end, I finally realize that when we meet the right people, we’ll feel comfortable and don’t overthink anymore.

“No need to be better. Just good enough.” You bring so much happiness into my life. Thank you for holding my hands along the way. Te quiero, a ti y a todas tus personalidades.

 

【書本 / Books

  1. 解憂雜貨店 / The Miracles of the Namiya General Store
  2. 看見 / What I Have Seen
  3. 被討厭的勇氣 / The Courage to be Disliked
  4. 我們仨 / We Three
  5. 浮躁 / Turbulence
  6. 伊豆的舞孃 / The Izu Dancer
  7. 便利店人間
  8. 緣起不滅
  9. (Currently reading) 推力 / Nudge
  10. (Currently reading) 小說燈籠 / Roman Dourou
  11. (Currently reading) 偉大城市的誕生與衰亡 / The Death and Life of Great American Cities
  12. (Currently reading) 藝術市場探密 / Seven Days in the Art World
  13. (Currently reading) 疼痛是一道我穿越了的牆 / Walk Through Walls

【旅行 / Travel

  1. 墨西哥 [Mexico, Playa del Carmen, Jabi]
  2. 古巴 [Cuba, Havana / Varadero, Irene]
  3. 美國 [U.S., Nashville, HBS Section F]
  4. 以色列 / 巴勒斯坦 [Israel / Palestine, HKS Israel Trek]
  5. 美國 [U.S., New York, HBS Art Society / VISA]
  6. 墨西哥 [Mexico, Mexico City, HBS FGI]
  7. 祕魯 [Peru, Lima / Arequipa / Cusco / Titicaca / Iquitos, Internship / solo]
  8. 法國 [France, Paris, solo]
  9. 智利 [Chile, Santiago / Easter Island, solo]
  10. 美國 [U.S., Chicago, BCG Welcome Weekend]
  11. 哥倫比亞 [Colombia, Bogota, Germán]
  12. 印度 [India, Delhi / Amritsar / Kolkata / Hyderabad / Mumbai, HKS India Trek]

【舞台表演 / Shows

  1. JOYÀ
  2. Something Rotten!
  3. Cabaret
  4. Artifact
  5. Illusionist
  6. The King and I
  7. Ballet Folklorico
  8. The Phantom of the Opera
  9. Tosca

【摘句 / Quotes

  1. “One cannot improve human beings, but one can improve systems. The same flawed human beings with a better system will be able to produce better results.” 「一個人雖然不能改變人類,但可以改變系統。在更好的系統裡,同樣不完美的人類也能產出更好的結果。」
  2. “We’re gonna build a road going to the sun. We’re gonna move mountains one by one. It may take a lifetime, Lord. But when the work is done, we’re gonna have a road going to the sun.” 「我們會有一條通往太陽的道路。我們會慢慢移開一座座山。這或許會需要一輩子啊~但當工作結束時,我們會有一條通往太陽的道路。」
  3. “If being crazy means living life as if it matters, then I don’t mind being completely insane.” 「如果瘋狂意味著認真去對待生命,那我不介意當個十足的瘋子。」
  4. “We meet on the ocean at a dark night. You have your direction; I have mine. It’s fine that you remember it, but might be even better that you forget it – the brightness of our short interaction.” 「你我相逢在黑夜的海上,你有你的、我有我的方向;你記得也好,最好你忘掉,在這交會時互放的光亮」

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s